The Change

I went through severe menopause symptoms around 2023.  And honestly it was (and still is) a brutal time.

We all know the list:

·      Can’t sleep

·      Restless legs

·      Lowered libido

·      Weight gain

·      Joint pain

·      Body composition changes

·      Hot flashes (about 7 a day for me!)

·      Memory Loss

And about a hundred other things. There is no way I can list them all.

I get it.  We all experience it differently too. Different timelines, different symptoms, different levels of discomfort.  Everyone has their own version of this change.

What frustrated me the most wasn’t just my body changing.  It was how I  changed as a person.

For most of my life, I was really proud of my relationship with my body.  I worked hard at having a healthy body image.  Not chasing perfection.  Accepting my body as long as I could move it, fuel it, and feel strong.

I have three kids, and one of my biggest rules was “no diet talk.” No obsessing over weight. No “You look good, did you lose weight?” compliments. That was my mantra.

Then 2023 hit for me, and everything changed.

 The hot flashes were intense.  The joint and muscle pain made exercise difficult.  I was constantly hungry and had no idea why.  My body composition shifted, weight moved from my hips and butt to my waist and torso and suddenly… I felt inflamed, uncomfortable, and unfamiliar in my own skin.

 And I changed.

 I started complaining all the time.

I talked out loud about how unfair it felt.

I said things in front of my kids like, “I am so fat.  I need to go on a diet.”

I broke my own rules. 

I became someone I didn’t recognize.  It wasn’t just the physical change or the mental change. It was an identity change. I became a version of myself that I really didn’t like, or feel proud of.

 When I was younger, like most teens, I struggled with self-confidence.  Over time, I grew into myself.  I learned to like who I was.  As I raised my kids, I tried to pass that confidence on, to show them their strengths, their talents and their worth.

Right before perimenopause, I was probably at my best.  Feeling strong.  Accomplished.  Grounded. Confident.

And then I changed again.

 That time during perimenopause was hard.  Really hard.  I felt powerless in my own body and disconnected from myself.  And I made mistakes without even knowing it.  I felt pushed against a wall with no options. 

Luckily, there is a change coming again.  A conscious, still difficult, but very self aware change in my mindset.  A decision that it is time to take my life back on my own terms and become who I want to be.

I am moving my body again.

Eating better with knowledge.

Meditating.

Resting.

Setting boundaries.

Trying new things and taking chances.

Making goals and enjoying the journey.

I am finally starting to feel like myself again, not exactly the old version, but a new one I am learning to accept.

Menopause took something from me.

But now, it is helping me find myself again.

Strong in new ways.  Grateful for my past experiences.

This change is not the end of me.  It is the beginning of what is next.